Prior to The Pause, I was numb and had little sense of meaning in my life and felt no calling or purpose for being. Those concepts had become stagnant, if not dormant or foreign to me.
That sounds like a dark existence doesn’t it? This was my unhealthy. The numbness should have been something I was aware of occurring (and maybe I did, on a higher level), but in the reality I had helped create for myself, I wasn’t feeling it at all. A lobster is said to experience boiling to death so slowly they don’t realize what is happening until it’s too late, when they’ve become someone’s dinner. Now in my later forties, the numbness that had settled in occurred over a period of twenty years and wasn’t something that I felt coming on or had awareness of actually being there. I had lost the sense of who I was, and what driven me in my twenties.Continue reading “the boil (boil)”